As a parent, you already know just how important it is to provide a healthy upbringing for your children. If you are separated from your child’s other parent, there are added challenges that can make this process more complicated. The intricacies of custody, visitation, and staying in two different homes are difficult enough for children and their parents, but when one parent is a narcissist, then the entire situation requires extra care. If you suspect that your co-parent is a narcissist and are having trouble jointly raising your child, here are some useful tips to help you.
Understand Narcissism
A good place to start is to learn more about the nature of narcissism and how it could be affecting your co-parent. A narcissist’s actions and the reasoning behind what they do can sometimes seem confusing, but once you learn how a narcissist’s mind works, then you can teach yourself strategies to cope. Narcissism manifests as someone behaving entirely in their own interests, using control and emotional manipulation to bend the world to their will. Narcissists as parents can be difficult for children to cope with, which is why effective co-parenting is so important.
Seek Professional Advice
One of the first steps to take is to seek professional advice about how you can manage your co-parenting relationship with a narcissist. It can be incredibly useful to develop tried and tested techniques that focus on dealing with your specific problem. Resources such as Two Healthy Homes – co parenting with a narcissist offer support to parents who are looking for ways to improve their communication with a narcissistic co-parent. Rather than trying to work it out all alone, these services provide expert solutions you can adopt into your own co-parenting routine. The value of an unbiased party cannot be overstated.
Keep Interactions Brief and Direct
Something you will learn from a professional source is that the key to effective communication with narcissists is to keep encounters short and to the point. Even though you are raising a child together, you are not obliged to indulge their emotional drama. The shorter your windows of communication, the less time you give them to press your buttons and manipulate you. Before starting a conversation with them, keep in mind the main purpose you want to address so that you can stay on track even when they try to move on to their own topics. Be aware of their tactics and don’t react to any attempts they might make to get a rise out of you, as this is what they want.
Lean on a Reliable Support Network
Apart from a professional counsellor or advisor, make sure that you have a reliable network of trusted people you can lean on when your narcissistic co-parent is testing your patience. Without a group to provide comfort, you may feel alone and vulnerable when interacting with the narcissist. When other people understand your situation and how your co-parent behaves unreasonably, they will be better able to support you.
Protect Your Own Emotions
Narcissists only care about how other people feel when it impacts their intentions and how they are perceived. This often means that they are callous about how others feel and don’t pay attention to how their actions or words can hurt someone else. In some cases, a narcissist will actively set out to hurt someone’s feelings if it leads to them getting what they want. Apart from keeping interactions brief, you should also approach discussions with a narcissist prepared to maintain your composure.
Focus on Your Child’s Needs
In an ideal world, you wouldn’t be put in a position where you have to regularly communicate with a narcissist. Despite how draining it can be to share custody with a narcissist, it is necessary if you want to parent your child successfully. Remember that your child’s needs should always be put first and that your choices should reflect their best interests in the short and long term, regardless of their narcissistic parent’s attitude.
Raising children is not a simple task in the first place, but adding separation and narcissism into the mix creates even more complications. Hopefully, some of the above advice will help you to approach your co-parenting strategy with more confidence and clarity.
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